He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
