This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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