At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
