Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
