im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
