Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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