did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
