the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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