My first STD was from a foam party
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
