I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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