The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
