There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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