first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
