One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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