He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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