um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
sex in a hospital.. check
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
