***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
