don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
