dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
