im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
