I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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