yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
