New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
