THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
