My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
