it hurts more in the daytime
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
