so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
