I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
