The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
