I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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