.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
