Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
