Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
