She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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