dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
