I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
