At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
