I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
