I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
