so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
