Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
