That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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