I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I understand Curling. That high.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
