So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
