Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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