I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
