So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
