singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
