We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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