Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
