i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
