Soap is not a condiment
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
